I was VERY sick after delivery. I had just had major surgery and now they were pumping medicine in my body that made me feel like everything was on fire and I had the flu. This is not at all what I imagined the birth process to be like. I hadn’t really even been able to comprehend that I was a mom or much less able to understand all that was going on with my premature child.
Finally, after 24 hours or so on magnesium my blood pressure had begun to come down. We thought I was out of the woods at this point. I was off my IV meds and attempting to stand up off the side of the bed for the first time, with the help of Daniel and a nurse, when things went down hill very quickly. I remember what started out as tingling in the right side of my body and then suddenly realized I had no control. I was attempting to tell Daniel what was wrong and felt like I couldn’t get any words out of my mouth. This is when panic set in. I was stuck inside my own body and felt like I couldn’t ask for help. Daniel did everything he could to keep me calm as so many different doctors and nurses filled the room. I was truly a baffling case for most of them. They called in a neurologist and ordered an MRI and all we could do in the meantime was wait.
After a short time, I began to regain use of my right side and could start to put together thoughts. A nurse had finally come to get me for my scan. This was the only time post-surgery that Daniel hadn’t been able to stay with me. I remember lying in there for what felt like hours trying to remain perfectly still while I quietly cried and sang our wedding song to myself. I’m not sure I could find the words to describe the fear I had. I feared being alone. I feared being sick. I feared not being able to be Luke’s mom.
I had developed full blown eclampsia, along with conditions called HELLP, and PRES. Basically what happened is, without the help of the magnesium my blood pressure began to rise rapidly and all that fluid I had been retaining made my brain swell and caused a seizure. They ran the scan to make sure there was no long-term damage, and thankfully there wasn’t. Out of an abundance of caution I was moved to the Neurological ICU to be monitored for the night and put back on magnesium to regain control over my blood pressure.
I was a relatively healthy, young 25-year-old with no previous conditions. There is no explanation as to why any of this happened and honestly, that makes it all the more frustrating. Throughout all of this, I remember telling Daniel multiple times that all I wanted was to be Luke’s mom. I wanted to be able to go see him in the NICU and tell him I loved him. I wanted to be able to understand what was going on with his medical needs. I just wanted to be a mom.
I spent a week in the hospital myself before being discharged. I went home sore, and on a lot of medication but I was finally physically recovering. Surviving birth was truly a miracle for me. I had an army of people outside that hospital praying for me and there is no doubt that those prayers were heard. I was finally heading home to start my next journey, being a NICU mom.
